You don't care about eating genetically manipulated foods do you? Of course not, who could have a problem with that? So who cares that they don't tell you when they put it in almost every single thing you eat? I wish they'd hurry up and genetically modify ALL of our foods. So far it's just all the corn and corn products, the corn oils, corn starch, corn meal, corn chips, and even corn syrups which thankfully are in almost everything at the supermarket. Heck you couldn't get away from it if you wanted to! But who'd want to? It's great! Oh wait, all the soy and soy products, and all the Canola and canola products are genetically modified too, so that's a start. Don't worry, you're eating all kinds of frankenated DNA foods now and have been for a long time. You aren't missing out on a bit of all this exciting food improving technology. And guess what! Right now they're actually growing RICE that has it's DNA spliced with HUMAN DNA. Is that beyond cool or what? That's going to be some good rice don't you think?
You know what else we'll be surprised with? All the weird spontaneous goofy fruits and vegetables that happen by accident with that pesky uncontrollable cross-pollinating process! There's no way to control modified DNA crops and keep them away from those cute little birds and bees! We could have all kinds of laughs when entire fields of crops miles away suddenly adapt the gene that self terminates the whole thing! And all of the trees too! That is too funny to sit still for. Imagine getting up one day and hearing on the news that there is no more food because the self-terminator gene went hog wild and spread everywhere. There's lots more nutty experiments that are just as interesting in the works right now. It makes you feel so modern doesn't it? And happy inside too.
But be patient, it IS all happening right now. They just don't want anyone to get too excited so they keep it pretty low key, you know, 'need to know basis'. It's the right way to handle things. Besides, it's the kind of thing that could affect the whole darn world so who's better qualified to make decisions about all this stuff anyway? Bingo, the very companies who want only the best for us and don't care a lick about obscene profits like other big companies do. And Governments, pish, what do they know about crops? No, it's better to keep it on the hush and let the experts keep experimenting to see what happens when they fiddle with this and that, and then grow it and feed it to us. It's serious business. Oh don't worry, the FDA is involved! Everything is fine.
Hot buttered genetically modified corn on the cob, and who knows how old it is, or where the heck it was grown? Who cares? I really do want some right now, I just need a pat of dairy butter. But wait, isn't that natural butter stuff just hideous and awful and dangerous? It can kill you! Better make it margarine then! With extra hydrogenated oils please! Yum!Yum!
It's a darn good thing the nice food company people, who know all about this stuff, specifically told everyone and all the doctors and health places and newspapers and magazines about how natural butter and natural fats are SO bad for you!! I mean those natural fats have all kinds of creepy natural components that seem to be good for you, and besides, if you ate those natural fats they'd make you feel full and satisfied.
And who wants that? You'd probably end up eating less and lose weight or something, and you know you shouldn't ever try to lose weight with natural food. That's just crazy. You need to have Slim Fast and diet bars and diet stuff made especially for losing weight while trying hard to lose it, because they have lots of sugar and they still don't taste very good. That means it's a serious method of weight loss that anyone can trust, even pregnant moms. Those products are made with plenty of chemicals and artificial additives that you'd never notice aren't really food at all! That's just how great they really are. Even Grandma knew that it didn't have to actually be food to feed it to the ones you love.
It's a VERY lucky thing for all of us that they could invent totally fake engineered fats to sell us instead of butter and food quality oils, huh? Because everyone knows that artificial fats and chemicals are WAY MORE HEALTHY than any pewie natural fats!
Only a total goober would think that just because they can't prove it is safe is a reason to worry. Besides, it would take a really long time to test all this stuff to make absolutely certain that say in 20 years of eating it regularly that no one would be all disease ridden or other gross stuff like that. Like so many Americans are today at epidemic levels. And by the way, just because MSG is the LONG TIME number one choice of kitchen laboratory scientists all over the world to induce guaranteed obesity in baby rats is NO REASON to jump to silly conclusions like it would make humans fat too. Come on now stay here in the land of reality already okay?
Besides, they put that great MSG into everything now under 50 different names like autolyzed yeast proteins and stuff, so many different names even the great food companies will tell you there's no possible way you'll be able to recognize it. You're getting plenty of MSG even when it's not listed in the ingredients. These days they have to put it in everything, because it's addictive! It makes you want to eat too much, so you have to run right back to the store and buy lots more food. So don't panic, it's in everything. The important thing is, that these wonderful, generous, kind caring big Agricultural Companies that process all of our daily foods shouldn't have to make us wait before benefiting EVERYONE with all of these great additives and fungus killing agents and stuff that can make an apple look edible for 15 weeks! I wouldn't want to have to wait, would you?
I guess that's why I get so silly and sentimental when I pick up a box of Betty Crocker Angel Food Cake Mix and read on the back where it says, "Just like Grandma used to make." It makes me feel so safe and loved, it's almost like being little again, with my Grandma serving me fresh hot cookie-like things oozing with toxic goo. More please!
